For example, a parent in this situation will learn to stop sending their child to their room if he or she threatens to run away each time it happens. When a parent gives in to this threat, their child starts using it to train them. This not only gives them power over themselves, but power over their parents and their families as well. But you need to understand that kids who threaten to run away are using it for power. Some parents may engage in bargaining and over-negotiating with their kids over this when they shouldn’t because they’re afraid. They may threaten their parents by saying, “If you make me do that, I’ll run away.” They know parents worry for many, it’s one of their greatest fears.
Realize that chronic running away is just another form of power struggle, manipulation, or acting out it’s just very high risk acting out. Kids who consistently use running away to gain power in the family have a chronic problem. I’ve known kids to leave home because they were caught cheating in school or because they became pregnant and were afraid of their parents’ disapproval. Rather, they might be trying to avoid some consequence, humiliation or embarrassment. It’s also not something they use to gain power. It’s not a consistent pattern, and your child is not using it as a problem-solving strategy all the time. When your child runs away after something has happened, it can be viewed as episodic running away. The reasons behind the actions are quite different, and it’s crucial to know what they are. I think it’s very important to distinguish between kids who run away episodically, and those who are chronic runners. And leaving home-along with everything that is overwhelming them-seems to solve their immediate problems. The adolescent who runs away has run out of problem-solving skills. Kids run away because they don’t want to face something, and that includes emotions they don’t want to deal with. Running away is an “either/or” kind of solution it’s a product of black-and-white thinking. In my opinion, the main reason why kids run away is because they don’t have good problem-solving skills.
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